You proudly claim that Monkey Hill is the highest point in Louisiana. John Dunn
You drive your car up onto the neutral ground if it rains steadily and heavily for more than two hours. Avis Sherman
You have flood insurance. H. McDoskey
Someone asks for an address by compass directions and you say it's Uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside or lakeside. Jackie Bettencourt
Your idea of a cruise ship is the Canal Street ferry, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is the Chalmette ferry. A.C. Tynes
Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under. Lori Mansuy
You know the Irish Channel is not Gaelic-language programming on cable. Al Bostick
You can pronounce `Chop-a-tool-is' but can't spell it. Larry Barattini
You can pronounce and spell Tchoupitoulas. Dana Harrison
You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than your house. C. Gonzalez
You get on a bus marked `Cemeteries' without a second thought. Lori Mansuy
You have no idea what a turn signal is or how to properly use it. M. Matthews
You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a neutral ground while avoiding two joggers and a streetcar, then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake. Michael Bailey
You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light. Howard Pink
You know how long you have to run to a store, get what you need and get back to your car before you get a parking ticket. Sue Ward
You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance. Debbie Rusk
You take a `right-hand turn' instead of a right turn. Ernie Simoneaux
You get off the stoop, walk down the banquette and cross the neutral ground to go get a sno-ball. S. Weaver
You judge a restaurant by its bread. Barbara Causey
The white stuff on your face is powdered sugar. J. Hopkins
You know better than to drink hurricanes or eat Lucky Dogs. Murray Tate
You visit another city and they `claim' to have Cajun food -- but you know better. Tony Paladino
You have the opening date of any sno-ball stand in your Daytimer. Kate Butler
You know that a po-boy is not a guy who has no money, but a great-tasting French bread sandwich. Charlotte Popovich
The major topics of conversation when you go out to eat are restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future. Katherine Young
You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. Barbara Causey
You consider having a good meal as your birthright. Lori Mansuy
The four seasons of your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab and erster. Brian Lyons
You love Maspero's, like the prices, hate the line, so you know to sit at the wonderfully old bar to place your order and enjoy. Terry Durel
A seven-course meal is a pizza and a six-pack of Abita beer. M. Bettencourtt
Your stomach can handle a dozen Manuel's tamales at 3 a.m. after having a few at Markey or Saturn Bar. Kevin Ibos
The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad. Gina Mikelonis
You know the definition of `dressed.' Shirley T. Fayard
Your 3-year-old child comes home singing his latest nursery rhyme: `Alligator pie, alligator pie, If I don't get some, I think I'm gonna cry. Give away the green grass, give away the sky, But don't give away my alligator pie.' Amy Smith
You put Tabasco sauce on your Hershey bar. Janet Reed
You can eat Popeyes original chicken, Haydel's kingcake and Zapp's while waiting for Zulu. Then you go to Jackson Square for a Central Grocery muffaletta with a Barq's while sucking hot crawdads and cold Acme oysters, hurricanes and several Abitas. Then you can ride the St. Charles Avenue streetcar home past Camellia Grill for a chili/cheese omelette ... without losing it all on your front stoop. Dan C. Frisard
You have gained 10 or 15 pounds permanently, but you don't care anymore. Aubrey
Ya stood yaselfs in da line by Galatoire's. Zide B. Jahncke
You think `drinking water' when you look at the Mississippi River. C. Gonzalez
Someone at a crawfish boil says, `Don't eat the dead ones,' and you know what they mean. Robert Kemp
You don't really teach people the right way to eat crawfish, so there's more for you. Jodie Brady
Your idea of cutting back on calories is to suck the heads and not eat the tails. LaJuana Chenier
The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel No. 5. Don LeMonier
You enjoy sucking heads more than sucking face. Debbie Montreuil
Your idea of foreplay is pinching dem tails and sucking dem heads and chasing it down with a cold Abita beer. Deborah Goldman
You burl (boil) crawfish and fry them in erl (oil). Don't forget to pack the uneaten tails in furl (foil). Debra Winbush
The first thing you do every morning is pick up The Times-Picayune obit section to see `who died inna papah?' Mimi Tremoulet
Ya making groceries at Schwegmann's with ya mama to buy Dixie beer and crawfish so you can eat and suck heads in the French Quarter before a Mardi Gras parade. Charlotte Blanchek
You know your homonyms, synonyms and your `mom-n-ems.' Bridget Robinson
There is a St. Joseph lucky bean in ya mama's coin purse. Bev Chapoton
When you speak with a tourist, he asks, `Are you from Brooklyn?' Harold Gallagher
You make groceries at Schwegmann's to get da Zatarains for da crawfish. Den, ya suck da heads of those crawfish for da juice. Don't forget da beer and da white Russian daiquiris. Afterwards, you go down to Randazzo's for some king cake. While in da parish, you stop at Rocky's for some baked macaroni to take home. On Mondays, you get da begneits, coffee and da Gambit. (Dat Gambit has everything.) For lunch, you go down to Mother's for some red beans and rice. Tomorrow, you get da muffaletta at da Central Grocery. And dat's what we do in N'awlins, dawlin'. Kerry Reuber
You're not afraid when someone wants to `ax' you. Lori Mansuy
You were born at Baptist, raised in Metry and hang with Vic and Nat'ly. Chip Perry
You go by ya mom-n-ems on Good Friday to eat crawfish, drink beers and play touch football on the neutral ground. Joy Scott
You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. John Silbernagel
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws. Howard Pink
You leave a parade with footprints on your hands. Sandra Gainey
You believe that purple, green and gold look good together -- and you will even eat things those colors. Yvar Torealba
Every time you hear sirens you think it's a Mardi Gras parade. Monica Giles
On Christmas Eve, your daughter looks up in the sky, sees Santa Claus and yells, `Throw me somethin' mister.' Kelley Williams
You fill your Nativity creche with king cake babies dressed like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the wise men and the angels. Ann Case
You go buy a new winter coat and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads. Rebecca C. Este
You have a parade ladder in your shed. Bev Chapoton
Your finest china has Endymion written on it. Lori Mansuy
Your first sentence was, `Throw me something mistah,' and your first drink was from a go-cup. Linda McNamara
You wonder what Anne Rice has against a building that looks like a Mardi Gras float. Howard Wetsman
You still write `NOPSI' on your utility bill. Alan Huard
You know the color purple is a drugstore and not a movie. Al Bostick
You have a special set of well-broken-in shoes you refer to as your `French Quarter' shoes. Kate Butler
You still call the convenience store `Timesaver.' Jamie Lobell
You move somewhere else and you feel like you are from Oz and you moved to Kansas. Lisa Gourgues
Everywhere else just seems like Cleveland. Mike O'Connell
You know the lyrics to the jingles for Seafood City, Pontchartrain Beach and Rosenberg's. Alan Huard
Every so often, you have waterfront property. Lori Mansuy
Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. Bettina Benoit
You believe Al and Anne are the Uptown version of Vic & Nat'ly. E. Lindsey
You can remove the cap from a Tabasco bottle with one hand. Susie Kehoe
You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. Liz Ducote
You know where you got your shoes. David Nusloch
You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs. Vernon Coy
You play hopscotch on the `bankit.' Robert Fuxan
You ask someone where they went to school and they tell you which high school they attended. Shannon Prince
You remember waiting up and staying awake for complete TV coverage of the meeting of the Comus and Rex courts. John Guignard
You watch a movie filmed in New Orleans and say things like, `Dere ain't no way they can run out of a cemetery right on to Bourbon Street ... and don't call me "Cher."' Mary K. Maunoir
You haven't been to Bourbon Street in years. Jolie Clark
You bring empty grocery bags to a parade. Lori Mansuy
That brown bag you take to the Saints game ain't your lunch. Barbara Polikoff
You know that `Tipitina' is not a gratuity for a waitress named Tina. Lawrence Fletcher
You have to buy a new house because you ran out of wall space for Jazz Fest posters. Bruce Michel
You drink Dixie, whistle Dixie and name your dog Dixie. Jeff Hartzheim
You describe a color as K&B purple. Terry Brewster
You like your rice and politics dirty and dislike clean living. Amos Fogleman
You still hope Angela and Garland get back together. Kate Butler
You worry about deceased family members returning in spring floods. C. Gonzalez
You're sitting on the Lakefront reading the Gambit, eating hot crawfish and drinking Abita beer. Michael Tebble
You can ask for lagniappe and not feel guilty. Merlin L. Taylor
You reply to anything and everything about life here with, `Only in New Orleans.' Toni Tournillon
You really were in Tulane Stadium during the Saints first game when John Gilliam ran the opening kickoff back for a touchdown. Vernon Coy
Party on, Earl
You're out of town and you stop and ask someone where there's a drive-thru daiquiri place (then they look at you like you have three heads). Kate Butler
Someone mentions the Democratic party and you ask, `Where, what time and is it B.Y.O.L.?' Ralph Grimaldi
You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast. Kate Butler
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor hail will keep you from the Jazz Fest. Charlotte Popovich
You go to sleep Friday evening before you go out Friday night. H.L. Tubre
You have a monogrammed go-cup. Marlow McGraw
You can't have a party without New Orleans Original Daiquiris. Michael Verges
You use your Gambit as your social calendar. Mary LeBlanc
You love Feelings because the food, drinks and service are great, and the atmosphere of the quaint courtyard and the friendly neighborhood piano bar make for a wonderful night. Sharon Irby
A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French fries that fell under the seat. Pam Butler
You eat the poo veins. Mike Tebbe
You like your crawfish so hot, you can't distinguish between sweat, snot and crawfish juice. Michael Turre
Your 'do is high enough to catch stray crawfish juice and able to stand 100 percent humidity and temperatures above 90 degrees. Vanessa Breaux
Your butt burns when you go to the bathroom. Kenny Marino